Connection: Restoration in a World of Contempt

Connection: Restoration in a World of Contempt

You are fundamentally intended for deep and abiding human connection. Contempt starves connection through self-protection, withdrawal, and isolation. The starving relationship held in Contempt, will move anemically; eventually, decaying into relational dysfunction and perhaps even death. However, Compassion and Curiosity, pursued with Courage, revitalize those failing relationships and imbue them with strength and resiliency. Once buoyed and revived, Creativity effects the invitation for both individuals to authentically offer their true self as part a tapestry from which new meaning emerges. Compassion, Curiosity, Courage, and Creativity constitute the fertile soil where authentic intimacy fosters true Connection.

The Beauty of Connection

Connection unfolds through seasons of growth and dormancy. Like a tree gaining root and reaching for the sky, authentic intimacy moves both inward and outward. In the face of another, surfaces some of the most profound experience of ourselves. Our capacity for attunement and relationship grow as our roots dig deeper into each other's souls, and our branches reach out for connections with the world around us.

But this kind of connection does not happen through luck. Instead, those desiring more profound relationship need to pursue and cultivate connection with fierce intentionality and abiding determination. Nothing worth anything will come without cost.

1. Connection in Community

Pursuing connection in the context community does not mean finding someone who is just like you. Instead, it is the process of fostering fellowship with those that invite your most authentic self to blossom, offering an invitation to become more of who you were fundamentally made to be. Likewise, in a healthy and connected community, you will invite others into a fuller and more integrated expression of themselves. This form of healthy and connected community will function as a symphony; each person's soul is playing their unique melody in harmony others while bearing witness to the vitality of their collective song.

2. Connecting Shoulder-to-Shoulder

Another form of connection will happen shoulder-to-shoulder. These relationships form with those people who come alongside in a joint endeavor to meet a common goal. Shoulder-to-shoulder connection can often be short live; spanning the duration of a project or a season of working together. In spite of the frequently temporary nature of this connection, the commonality of purpose can forge deep ties that persist over many years, even decades of life, long after the original objective was achieved. Relationships like these can form through ministry, social work, political campaigns, serving in the military together, business ventures, or something as brief and straightforward as working together at a camp. The strength of shoulder-to-shoulder connection should never be underestimated. It provides shared experience and common language which give the individuals fertile soil for deeper and more meaningful relationship in the future.

3. Connecting Face-to-Face

Face-to-face connection provides the potential for even deeper intimacy. A shoulder-to-shoulder connection can often turn into a face-to-face connection, but this is a move that is not always successfully navigated. When we turn our faces toward one another, we are opening the windows to our souls and inviting another person to join with us in the pursuit of shared being, not just shared activity. Friendships that pursue this face-to-face intimacy in a non-erotic sense can be some of the most profound and most satisfying relationships we can experience in this life. While not always the case, a face-to-face connection is the stuff of romance and eros. Face-to-face intimacy comes as both partners bear the nakedness of their hearts, minds, and sometimes bodies to enact and invite the beauty of authentic, unabashed intimacy. Gazing into the eyes of your most trusted friend, undergirded by commitment, reveals the space where the soul is shaped and formed by the intermingling of each person's being with the other's.

4. Connection with Yourself

Connection with one's self may seem, at first glance, to be counterintuitive. But to offer ourselves in meaningful ways through community, purpose, or interpersonal intimacy, we must know the self that we are offering. Failing to do so will often result in the offering of a persona that feigns vulnerability, lacks depth, and leaves people feeling as though they are trying to become acquainted with a ghost. If we lack self-knowledge, we will only offer our true self haphazardly without an awareness of the profound value of our gift. It would be similar to a person trying to use coins of solid gold in a vending machine.

Connection & the Symphony of Life

Discovering our true identity is a journey that will include connection in community, purpose, and shared intimacy. And as we learn ourselves, we will begin to have a deeper capacity to offer ourselves to others in more meaningful and profound ways. Connection over the course of the lifespan requires a rich diversity of players including old and young, those who think like us and those who do not, those who share our heritage and those that expand it, and ultimately, those who call us out of hiding and encourage our song, our unique contribution to the symphony that is Life.

Creativity: Weaving Your Stories Together

Creativity: Weaving Your Stories Together

Contempt relentlessly erodes relationships. Compassion and curiosity provide a posture that undermines contempt. And courage is needed to maintain this posture, both toward ourselves, and others. 

And this is where things get exciting: With compassion, curiosity, and courage in place, a new horizon opens up before us!  No longer are we relegated to spaces of repair, trying to put out the relational fires. Instead, we get to come together to participate in and interweave our stories mutually and creatively. 

Creativity requires three fundamental things:

1. Knowledge - Of self and others
2. Flexibility - Letting go of expectations while honoring our desire
3. Wonder - Acknowledging the beautiful harmonies of your new story

Knowledge

Knowledge of self and others is a prerequisite to the interweaving that is possible in creative engagement. We must know our hopes, dreams, and desires and to bring them to bear in a significant way. The vulnerable offering of this self-knowledge is the vital first step in inviting someone into our story through the sincere offering of our most authentic self. Likewise, we must have some understanding of our partner's (or friend's) inner world, as they vulnerably offer themselves in an effort to integrate their life-story with ours.

Flexibility

Flexibility is a beautiful movement resulting from the creative interweaving of two stories. An open-handed posture is essential as we invite each other to be fully present in the co-authoring of our new narrative. There is indeed a beautiful freedom inherent in the tension of letting go of expectation while remaining true to desire. Can I be openhanded in finding avenues to meet my desires in ways that I have not yet considered? The dynamic of two stories coming together results in a synergistic combination, a new song singing forth in harmonies yet undiscovered.

Wonder

Wonder, or awe, is the response invited by creativity. It is not so much about what has been, or what is, but what could be. It is the humble acknowledgment of the holy ground that is intimate relationship. As knowledge of ourselves and others is cultivated and our hopes and dreams are interwoven, undiscovered pathways to new horizons emerge before us.

Deeper Life and Connection in the Deeper Story

As we creatively engage our fellow travelers with courage, compassion, and curiosity, an authentic connection marked by mutuality, reciprocity, respect, and dignity, will grow and develop. In this space, we will have the opportunity to cultivate a new story, one written with an eye to the needs and desires of both parties. We can pursue living with an orientation to developing meaning, pursuing the dreams of our shared wonder, cultivating purpose, and enjoying the abundance of the deeper life.

What is holding you back from the deeper life? What are the things in your story that are keeping you from engaging with yourself and others with compassion, curiosity, courage, and creativity? Unpack your story and engage in the deeper life today.